If you're a NASCAR (or "NAZICAR", as I prefer to call the sanctioning body) fan, you know who Mike Helton is. And as such, you also know the five word headline to this post is redundant, as Mike Helton has become the definition of "idiot".
After a rather exciting show Sunday that saw some tempers flare, he issued fines, took away driver points, and then spouted this gem:
"There have been a growing number of incidents lately where drivers have taken matters into their own hands," NASCAR president Mike Helton said. "Such unsafe and inappropriate behavior has to stop."
First of all, let's address why there's a problem of drivers feeling they have to take things into their own hands: because NAZICAR...and more specifically Helton...are clueless on how to police a race, levee fair penalties, or treat the teams and drivers even-handedly. What's good for one doesn't necessarily mean it's good for another. To say that "NASCAR officials play favorites" is like saying "ice hockey is played on ice".
Secondly, let's look at the hypocrisy of Helton's words. He says this through a tough scowl, while underneath his hideous, walrus-like mustache is the huge grin of someone who has just seen the ratings from this past Sunday's rock-em, sock-em race, and can't wait to see how many more people tune in this week to see the sequel.
I heard him say this on the radio (on your Official NASCAR station, 104.9, WXCL!) and I could almost hear him winking during the words "has to stop". The only thing amazing to me is that the Bush administration hasn't found a job for this guy yet.